The One Afterlife

I had first met Lin for an interview when he was in prison I was then an aspiring writer who was doing research for my book on mafia world. After few years passed Lin was just another story for me, and my book still work in progress. Till today morning when I accidently met Lin at the market.

Lin belonged to small outskirt place near Pune he had come to Mumbai in search of a job. Like all others who came to the dream city, Lin also had many dreams but soon all his dreams were put to dust by the harsh reality of truth. So, after years of struggle Lin decided he had had enough and decided to join the dark world of drugs. This was Lin’s journey from a minor smuggler to a gangster who had murdered four people at the age of seventeen. He told me that law, saved him from getting lifetime sentence. After exchanging pleasantries, I invited him to have a cup of tea we sat in a very old but a popular café. I was curious to find out what he was up to Lin was released early from the jail after they saw improvement in all over nature.

I asked him how he felt now that he was a free man he said it made no difference to him, as he was directionless, he had no idea what he was supposed to do he had no friends, no colleagues, and employment was a broken dream. I tried to console, but I knew it was fatal.
 I remembered during our brief meeting Lin had spoken very highly of his mother. I asked him if he had met his mother, he went quite but when he broke the silence, his voice was shaky as he recalled.

“When I went to meet her, she was sitting near the veranda of the chawl where
 I grew up. She was gazing into the sun as group of toddlers surrounded her. Probably she was telling them the same story she used to tell me about how good always wins over evil. It brought back the memories of my childhood how she would run behind me, of all the sleepless night she had spent when I was ill. When I saw her last, her hair were lustrous black there was not a single wrinkle on her face. However, when I saw her today all her hair had turned white, her face was covered up with marks of scars old age had caught up with her I thought, but one thing had not changed her smile. Her smile covered up all the pain, she used her smile as a weapon because she did not want people to think she was weak, but from inside she was very fragile.  My father passed away when I was 13 years old I thought she would be broken, but she was not, within a week time she found a job. She would never complain about anything to anyone. She did not have many expectations from me either she just wanted me to do well in life. But, I had failed her I did not even bother to visit her once, after coming to Mumbai (Bombay). I was all she had, but I was too preoccupied with I do not know what!  You know what the worst part is, she had no clue where I was, what I was doing, was I alive or dead, I just left like that. Even if she wanted to file missing complaint, she would not have been able because she had no idea where to find me. As they say, hope is stronger than the fear and may be the hope that I will return kept her going on. However, I knew regardless of my behavior every morning she would pray for my well-being. Hence, even when my mother was few steps away from me I could not gather the courage and walk towards her my legs started to tremble.  I was not scared; however, I was ashamed of myself, I did not know what to say to her. I had bought her a great shame I would not be able to look into her eye and talk to her. Maybe she will even forgive me then, but what I would tell her where I was I all these years, she would be broken if she found out her son was a gangster."

He then took a momentarily pause to sip water I was lost for words so I waited for him to continue, “I wanted to meet her take her blessings, but legs refused to obey I am a coward and have been whole life. I stood at the other side of the road watching her observing her, as I did that I had lost track of everything that was happening around me. That is when someone screamed at me when I turned to look around I was standing right in the middle of the road and there was a truck which speeding my way. That shout must have caught her attention too, that is when she looked at me, our eyes met after 30 years of long repression, and then there was a broad smile on her face.”

“If We Must Die”

He was sitting right at the edge of the bridge like he might fall down any time. Nothing seem to bother him. With closed eyes he sat there in complete tranquility. When I looked at him it felt like he was sitting there for eternity. This was the game; he liked to play with himself, and called it, "Rebirth". Sometimes he would close his eyes and walk right in the middle of traffic; sometimes he would also hold his breath beneath the water till the very last moment. He was bizarre in his very own way. No one knew what his real name was, people called him by various name. I called him manic.  

I had met him when he was standing right on the edge of terrace wall. From far it looked like he was about to jump. I yelled, shouted he didn't respond, clueless what to do I ran down to call people from the building who could help me. This was our first meeting.

We had managed to save him but instead of thanking us he walked off with anger. Couple of days later I met him again on terrace. This time when I tried to talk to him he just showed me his middle finger and walked off. 

It was 3 am when my doorbell rang as soon as I had open the door pushed me in corner on my own house and started to yell. “What is your problem why did you save me, why did you call people to save my life? You thought I was dying right? What is problem with you people?” I was taken back, I was completely speechless I just sat there listening as he kept shouting and yelling over top of his voice.

The next day in the morning he met me again.

“I know I was rude but I hate when someone disturbs me when I fake my death.”

“Fake your death?” I asked. 

“I like to fake my death I do it every now and then. I like to feel what it will be like when I die. It is death that gives true meaning to our life without death we would have no motivation to live for. That is why I do this fake death exercise. Where your body has to still and here you stand at one place where you know you're one step could be the end of your life. Here I am not in my past nor am I thinking about the future, I am just living in that moment, moment called present. Many fear death many of us live in the future but forget the present. And therefore it’s only after you conquer the fear of death we will be free. Every passing moment is surrounded by death. Death means it is all over but we ignore it (death) and we keep fighting with our self with the world for no reason. We fight on the basis of morals, principles, truth, and reality. Views politics et al. People need to learn and embrace death if they have to live but they don't they are too scared.”

As his words kept playing back in my mind suddenly I was bought back to my senses. I was lying in the bed of an hospital I could see his reflection in the mirror he stared at me with a big smile on his face. I knew he was there to stay here for a long time.

Till Eternity

 It was 2 a.m when her phone rang, he whispered, see you soon she simply smiled.  Vedika had not seen Ahaan   for a year. It was  during the time, when internet was     still an alien word for many of us. The only way to  communicate was via letters or long ISD trunk calls. It  was a typical story, Ahaan was a software engineer and had to fly to a foreign land, Vedika however could not accompany him as she would have to leave her job. Today sleep would evade her; she was later going to get a taxi to the airport with their friends to receive him.   

As she reached airport they checked whether the flight would land on time. It was not the first time Vedika had come to airport, as a child, she used to receive her grandparents who visited once a year. Vedika loved coming to airport, partly because this is where she had last seen Ahaan and also this was one place in Mumbai where she could find a lot of happy faces. People would come to receive and see off their loved ones; she called it ocean of emotions. She would spend hours observing people, some had tears, some hugged, some shook hands, there was laughter there was joy, there was the occasional tinge of sadness. Soon Vedika got engrossed in her own thoughts, as she recalled her past memories with Ahaan.   

Till the last moment she was hoping a call would come and Ahaan would be asked to stay back. They had got married six months earlier and it was an arranged marriage. But in these six months they had grown very fond of each other. They both shared a great bond as they had a lot in common. They both loved to have long walks and long chats. They would spend time chatting with each other, they could speak on any topic and time would fly by. She remembered their sleepless night which they would spent on their terrace chatting with each other. They both loved music, but their tastes in music were completely opposite, she liked classical while Ahaan was a huge fan of Bollywood music. Many times they argued which was better, later they would agree to disagree.  

Her thoughts broke as she saw Aahan step out of the terminal she was ecstatic she wanted to hug him badly, talk about so many thing. Instead she just stood there waiting. His eyes searched her, he saw her and wanted to hug her talk to her tell her everything, their eyes met, they both understood what each other was feeling. Tired of long flight he threw his bag on the floor hugged his friends and characteristically said " Saalo uthaon ab is saamn ko ". And it was only in the end he turned to Vedika and simply took her hand and promised never to let it go again both knew their love would last eternity they had once again found each other. 

Happy Ending

It was the same old story. She woke up and looked outside her window. The sun was shining. Kanika then checked her phone to see if she had received any new messages as always her inbox was full but no one important or she particularly cared about had messaged. As she locked her phone, the calendar notified it was a Sunday. It then struck Kanika that it was going to be yet another dreadful Sunday. 

Kanika heard her mother calling, “Get ready! The guests might come anytime.” Kanika knew that the guests would not arrive till mid afternoon. For the last three years Kanika had spent most of her Sundays hiding her beautiful face, under the mask of her make up, so she could look artificially beautiful.

 

But this Sunday afternoon she had to wait for the guests to come. Once the guests arrived she greeted them with a fake smile. After the initial formalities the guests would then start shooting questions at her. Many had come and gone, many asked the same questions, while some asked unexpected ones, some questions, she thought were really stupid. At times she tried hard not to laugh at and at times she answered them in a sarcastic way. And after spending merely half an hour with her and on the basis of Kanika’s answer they knew whether or not she is the daughter-in-law they were looking for.

Kanika’s diary on the 6th of April, 2014:

Sometimes I wonder whether all the sacrifices I made are worth it. I could have made different choices but I did not. Yes, I love my parents and just don’t want to see them hurt. But it’s been three years that I have been waiting for someone to approve me as their daughter-in-law. It’s a joke right. I know I am not that bad and I also know that I am better than most of them but how long do I have to wait. And how can one decide whether or not I can be a good daughter-in-law when all they do is ask me unnecessary questions. Is this how it’s supposed to work? I want to run away and go far away from all this. You know what hurts me the most is that every time someone comes they bring a hope that may be, this times things will work out and bring an end to all my agony. But look at the cruelty, some of them won’t even call back. And with all hopes are crushed. I am tired, very tired. I simply want to rewind my life back to my college days where I was surrounded by happiness. I want to travel the world. I want to see new places and here I am trapped in my own apathy.

 

Kanika was tired but she never complained because she had learnt to hide that pain behind her smile. She never talked about herself. She never bragged about her problems. She would keep all the secrets to herself and then write it down in her diary. And that made Kanika so strong that even tears had dried out. She just wanted to end this nightmare.

Her mom shouted once again, “Are you ready? They might arrive any time.”

She was looking beautiful as ever. The door bell rang. The guests had arrived. She was called to the hall. She gazed through the room to see who all had come. Everyone was present except the boy. She had never met these people. She had never seen them but they knew everything about her. And surprisingly not many questions were asked. 

Days passed Kanika got busy with her work life. At the end of everyday she would hope to receive some news from the groom’s side. But there was no news came. Kanika and her family waited anxiously to know if the family had approved of her. Then one fine day the groom's father called and informed that Kanika’s horoscopes had matched with their son. And that they would like to hold another meeting to discuss further details. 

Kanika had still not seen the boy. She just knew his name. She was anxious at same time she was happy. Kanika was going to meeting her to be husband next day.  She was having yet another sleepless night, when Kanika’s phone beeped, “So will you marry me?” There was a big smile on her face as she typed a ‘Yes’. Kanika knew who she was going to marry. It was her long lost friend who she had loved dearly during her college days. How did it all happen? How did he manage? She did not bother to ask she had lifetime to find. As for now Kanika was happy once again. 

And today when Kanika narrates her story to their grandchildren, it’s one of the most romantic stories they have heard they say. Though their love was not love at first sight, it was an extraordinary story. May be her wait was just worth it. ​ 

Chasing a shadow

I see her where I go... 

I saw her reflection in the mirror & as always, she smiled... 

Everything had happened in a blink of seconds but she behaved as if nothing has happened… 

I knew it was going to be a long sleepless night...

I knew she would be there besides me…

Even though she won’t speak...

Many questions I had to ask many things I had to say...

I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked...

I wanted to hug her tight and never let her go off...

I wanted to thank her for the courage she gave me...

But I said nothing...

She knew words didn't come to me easily...

She too stood silently...

She would just hold my hand warmth of her hand assured me everything would fine...

We both sat in silence for hours...

But that silence spoke more than words do...

Finally, dawn came closer...

When I woke up she was gone she left me with many questions…

Again, I was sleepless thinking of her...

Where do I find her now she was gone...

Some called her tragedy, some called her ghost, some called her misfortune, some preferred to call her death…

Until I meet her, she always would be my mysterious girl… 

The Last Touch

It was love at first sight. We saw each other for the first time in a sports store. The moment he saw me I saw something magical in his eyes probably his love for the game. He was then an emerging star of tennis world not many knew about him. Next day I saw a piece of news on him on television, he had qualified for a major grand slam. It was his big break, seeded 100 in the world.

 May be it was déjà vu or  sixth sense but when I heard about Castle qualifying for the grand slam, there and  then I knew that he would ask me out the very next day. It was my first date and I was  nervous.  However things went very smoothly, Castle was a rock star. He was kind, affectionate, and funny. After our first date we knew we had found our soul mates.  We knew we would be together for a long time. We shared something special, describing it in words would do no justice.

After our first couple of dates we got to know each other better. We started to spend as much time possible together.  Whether it was off court or on court, what impressed me most about Castle was his passion for the game. Castle had won his first tow match with an ease of a margin. But his biggest lucid test was about to come. Castle was going to compete against his childhood idol James Richard the number one seed and winner of 12 grand slam titles. James Richard was favorite to win the match However Castle wrote his name in the books of history when he beat James Richard.

 After Castle won over Richard, things started to change. Castle became an overnight star. He was the talk of the town, center of attraction every one spoke about him. Even Castle’s professional life had changed from being ranked  70 Castle slowly started to jump in the ranks.  And within no time Castle was the number one seed in the world. He was now the face of tennis world.  It was really a special journey which we both had embarked together so far. Due to Castles’ superstition nature he made sure that I would always accompany him to the match.

It had been seven years since we had been together. It was then that Castle was on the brink of history. One more grandslam win and Castle would have won his seventh grandslam in a row. It was a rare feat not many had been able to accomplish. Unfortunately Castle lost the match. 

It was this lost that changed life of Castle and for the ones close to him. Castle was completely broken after this loss.  Days passed by I would keep waiting for Castle to pick me up for his practice sessions however Castle  kept delaying.  Our long talks were also now muted.  It was on one such fateful day I saw  Castle consuming drugs, which shattered my heart. That was the last time I spoke to Castle. Inevitable   Castle was banned by tennis federation. Soon after our fall out castle met with accident and was gone far away from me. Today I was auctioned and now I sit in a showcase of a rich man who is so called a great fan of Castle. This is my story, story of Wilson the racket. 

Insomnia A Love Tale

"Beep" that’s my message tone. Its 3 am. One of dearest friend has replied to my msg. Why did I message him at 3 am, because I am unable to get any sleep. Luckily my friend replies to my message.

Next night its 2 am. I forward yesterday's same message once more "Asleep?".And send it to my friends. This time my phone doesn't beep and silence prevails.It’s been two days and I have not been able get any kind of sleep. I have tired dozens for things so that I will be able to sleep, read book, meditate, watch television, count numbers to name few however nothing has helped. Doctor said there is nothing wrong with me and I just need so relax my mind made no sense to me. He further added in fact the more hard I try to sleep more sleep will run far away from me said the doctor.

Seven am next morning, “ding dong” that’s my door bell just has I am about to get some sleep it woke me up. It’s the milk man. I call in office to say I won’t be coming today. I head back towards my bed trying to get much needed sleep. However sleep is gone far away.What started some sleepless hours now has turned into days into weeks. It’s been a three weeks a since I have not been able to sleep. This means my body has not rested for nearly 500 hours. And as I do some soul searching I am finding it difficult not only to sleep but also to do my daily activity there is lack of energy.

While doing some research of sleep deprivation I come across an article, “Insomnia a love Tale”. In which the author suggested that many people who are unable to sleep/ sleep deprived suffer form this disease because they don’t like the night life. The author also suggested that if you want to sleep then embrace the night. Embrace its beauty embrace its silence.

So after trying like dozen of dozen of things I decided to try what author “Insomnia a love tale” had suggested. I decided to embrace night life. So that night I dint try to sleep I just gave up I took a walk in my building compound around 2 am made some coffee. Tranquility prevailed. There was something about the eerie silence that compelled me. May be an occasional sound here and there and a periodic ticking of time but nonetheless it was serene. The world lays in deep slumber with shadows guarding the moon and all that is hidden under it. I hope this moment does not pass because I am at peace. I don't want to attract attention. I am me. Enjoying this night. Loving the silence. Why didn't I ever hear it before? Maybe I was trying too hard to sleep. The noise in my head just didn't allow me to hear the song the night was singing. I thought how about reading something?? Hmm what do I read?? I went to my book shelf and picked a copy of Geetanjali my favorite poems .I started to browse poems I had read umpteen times...Somehow those poems seemed new to me... Why??  I didn't try to search for any answers I just wanted to live in that moment wanting to revere those poems. And that is what I did. 

And then next morning I slept. With a smile of my face, behind wonderfully memories of last night.